I have just returned from Riga, after going to its salsa festival. As a salsa dancer, once in a while I go somewhere in Europe to attend one of these events – lately, I had been in Vilnius in May and in Hamburg in July – and the one in Latvia’s capital looked like the perfect opportunity to show some of my dancing skills among some feminine, attractive women. I knew and had already experienced that Riga was long ago totally fucked up due to its stag parties and drunk Brits who simply go there to screw the place as much as they can, leaving both a trace of destruction and a hatred against foreigners which can no longer be erased from the locals’ minds.
In any case, since the salsa world is a niche and quite detached from the “mainstream reality”, I thought that I would spend a great time around humble ladies, who would see me and my Spaniard friend with true interest and curiosity (actually that had happened more or less in the Vilnius Salsa Festival, so I honestly believed that would be the same around there).
But, as I could confirm throughout the whole weekend, there are no oasis anymore and even the niches can be affected by a tremendous feminine attitude. Women, to put it simple, are like water, as they can turn into the gentlest gas or into the coldest solid block, depending on the environment around them. So, as a man, you must always expect the worst case scenario, meaning that you have to accept the reality as it is and doing your very best to overcome it. Having said this, these were the four things I could notice and was reminded about the true nature of women:
There will always be girls who will never give a fuck about you
Yes, I know, both you and I dream about a world in which you would enter a place and all women’s heads would turn into your direction, checking you out from bottom to top. Even if this might occur once in a while (that is why we keep travelling around globe, always looking for the lost pussy paradise), the raw truth is that this only happens in your dreams, since most of the girls do not care a dime about your existence.
When I arrived in Riga on Friday, I gave a long walk around the city’s center – since not only I wanted to enjoy the nice sun which was shining but also to buy a red shirt, since the party’s theme was to dress on blood’s color – and I quickly realized the lack of IOIs (Indicators of Interest) I was getting from all the girls who were passing by. And instead of rationalizing and keep it cool, I let my emotions take over me and started to feel a little bit annoyed by the situation, especially because I had already been here years before and had better much reaction towards me. But then I thought “come on Andreas, you already knew that the place would be like this, so place all your bets in the salsa party”. But that scenario did not get better either: either because there were more men than women – which means that the attractive girls are “gobbled up” the moment a new song starts – or simply because I was not with that killing mood, the fact was that I could not establish a single good connection with any girl on that night, and I went home with the feeling that it had been the worst salsa party I had even been at (“coming to Riga to this?! Fuck that!”).
I eventually eased my impatience during the weekend, so on the Sunday night I could finally reach that point in which you do not care anymore and you are just there to have fun and to enjoy yourself. The bottom line is that you must always forget about a woman’s external appearance and do not give a fuck about her either! In the end she is most likely a lonely miserable who only cares about associating with people (she thinks) who have more value than her, that is why she treats the other guys just as trash.
The solution: look for the “yes” girls. I know every man must be ambitious and always seek for the best but sometimes, there is a difference between being clever or just being a lunatic. In most cases, the key is just to accept that these two or three top women in the party are simply not interested in you – even if you come with the best game of the world, forget about the bullshit that you will eventually find that “magic switch on her” – so look for the ones who are receptive and look at you as a man (no worries, you know who they are). By talking to these girls and having fun with them, you are also increasing your perceived valued on the eyes of others so eventually, but just eventually, you will arise the sexual interest in the hot women you thought you would never be able to attract.
Girls are sluts, no matter what
There is a little this preconceived idea that usually girls who go out at night are sluts, that is why you must meet them during the day and in other scenarios, just to make sure you find your perfect unicorn. Well, not only this argument is too simplistic – as some “normal” girls can go also out at night and you can find a slut in a library – but also it is quite incomplete.
In my opinion, all the girls are sluts in the sense that they always want and look to keep their options open. You may have the most devoted woman on your side that suddenly, after a discussion, a couple of weeks without sex or her meeting someone “interesting”, the entire castle may reach a point of collapse.
And in the salsa world, this reality is taken too an extreme level. First, here most the girls are likely to always say yes (to an invitation for a dance), contrary to what happens in a normal night club. This means that after having this nice moment with you, with your chest and face connected to hers, she will suddenly dance with another guy(s) and this process will start over and over again until the night is over.
Then, women here are in a constant search of “great sensations”, by the way the guy will make her feel free and excel her body and mind through the art of dancing. As you can imagine, she will go through an emotional carousel every five minutes which means that, even if she loves to dance with you on this moment, she might forget it half an hour later.
For instance, I met this girl from Estonia who was sitting down and who enthusiastically accepted my invitation, immediately grabbing me when she stood up. She looked like real interested, touching my arms and asking me whether I was a dancing teacher. Of course that in the end of our dance I fulfilled my duty as a man and picked up her telephone number, already thinking that if I would not do it on that moment, I would eventually lose her sight later. Well, sure enough, after her having gone to the toilet and me somewhere else, when I came back she was already dancing with another guy and giving him the same confidence she had given to me.
Had that been ten years ago, I would have been devastated; right now, it felt just like another normal sequence of events. To make matters worse, on the day after, she wrote me that she was very upset with me, as I had stood her up on the lunch we had “supposedly” agreed on the night before. She eventually admitted she had confused me with the other guy, with the greatest possible impudence, which just made me laugh but think “well, at least this slut is honest”.
The solution: Accept the rules of the game! In 2017, more than any year in history, women have an endless supply of masculine choices, ready to please and give them anything they want. Therefore, whenever you meet some new girl, apply the mindset that she is a slut and that what she does or tells you will exactly be the same with other guys.
By seeing things from a “negative perspective”, you gain two natural advantages than most of the guys on earth: first, when a thing is already negative, it is quite difficult to get worse, so you give the girl room to eventually convince you and show you that she is indeed a valuable women; then, by treating her with some distrust and even disrespect, you will never take the risk of putting her on a pedestal, as you will be with your feet set on the ground. And a grounded man is usually what most of the attractive women look for, someone who does not bite her bullshit and does not get overwhelmed by her endless tricks. By then, you will eventually get her focus of attention, therefore putting her interested and craving to know you better.
Women always seek for attention and for the best man
Nothing new, right? Well neither is my intention to bring something extraordinary about this topic, rather to highlight how women are attention-seekers by nature, no matter in which set they are at. Concerning salsa parties, it starts with the clothes: it is incredible how first, women dress up as better as they can, and second, how women dress in a way not only to destroy the feminine competition around but also and especially to have all the masculine looks thrown at them.
Then, even if they love to have all the guys staring at them, they simply avoid that the average and the “creepy” guys talk and interact with them. So they make sure to be in the area where the best male dancers are (and these are where the hottest females are, so it is basically a vicious circle), in order that they are always picked by the men whom they want to be dancing with.
So while a girl at a normal club is always near or even inside the DJ booth, or sitting down with the richest and most influencing guys in town, in the Latin world the same formula is used, as a girl is always looking forward to be among the most valuable men. The difference here is that value is gauged by both the quality of the dancer and the fame he has.
Even if you consider it unfair, accept it as a reality you will never be able to change. Women seek for attention and therefore they want to be seen among the men who have more theoretical value on the environment they find themselves in.
Therefore, you have three options/solutions:
- You go for the more humble, discreet, worse quality women who know they do not have a chance among the “big dancing male sharks”, so they simply look for the guys who can lead them well and make them have some fun. Sometimes, depending on the country, you may eventually find girls up to the level 7, which is not a bad signal if you consider that, if you have looks and some moves, she will most likely be into you. The same goes for a guy going out to a normal nightclub: if you avoid the hotties of the club and go for the girls who are “unnoticeable in the corner”, then you have a much better chance to score. But remember that the goal you will hit at will never be excellent or very good, just “above the average” or good at best;
- You really take your dancing skills up to the next level, until you become really, really good. I do not mean good or even very good, but excellent. This requires natural skills, time, patience and a total commitment, in order that you become almost a professional dancer (you would need to be having regular classes, almost or even everyday, in a famous salsa school). If you really love this music and you find the means – time and money – to follow this path, I strongly recommend it since it can bring sweet rewards, aside from the fact that you have more fun and recognition the more you are a better dancer. Concerning the “real world and normal clubs”, then you can only increase your inner and social value, by becoming someone famous or, at least, someone who achieves important things in his area of studies (e.g.: an architect who has rebuilt the train station in town);
- Whatever of the two previous paths you choose, this third one will always be your best bet to have the most attractive women around you: make friendships or, at least, try to become an acquaintance of DJs, festival organizers and dancers. Naturally if you become an excellent dancer, you will somehow be selected and sooner than later you will already be within this exclusive group. Even so, if you are a guy who does not intend to be a professional dancer – just a regular, good one – you can still get familiar with these valuable individuals. Please bear in mind that it will, of course, cause you more work, since you need not only to attend many festivals throughout Europe – and therefore showing that you are a regular on this world – but also to explore your social kills, as you have to lose a considerable time talking to these guys and trying to “convince” them that you are someone who deserves their approval. As for the normal nightlife, you need to put your game at best – style, looks and confidence – and make sure you get acquainted with the ones who control or have a big influence on this world. By getting familiar or even friend of the big sharks, you are also ensuring that you will have a much easier access to the big fish which matters.
Women will always use the environment against you
You shall never be influenced by the environment around you. Easier said than done, right? If we think from a man’s/woman’s perspective, this is actually their golden fortress and our Achilles’ heel. Women are beings who are totally adaptive to the environment around them and they always use them for their benefit; men, on the other hand, are much more “regular beings”, meaning that of course we can get more excited while going out after a couple of drinks, but the truth is that we will always want to bang that hot chick, whether she is at a night club, at the grocery’s store or at the bus stop.
Nevertheless, there is a trait which is applicable to both sexes and that is the one of being competitive among the own gender. While a woman always want to look better, by having the most beautiful shoes and the best hairstyle than all the ladies around her, men make sure that they can perform and have better results than all the guys around. In the end one of the main objectives is to “be the best” to attract the opposite sex, but it is curious how this works in totally different ways. Women are always the passive element, meaning that even if they compete with other women, in the limit they just need to stay there and wait for the man to come. Men, however, are the active element, meaning that they need to compete in literally a physical way with other men to get the women.
And nowadays, unless you live in some hidden paradise in Russia, you will always have more men than the attractive women present on a certain place, so this results in a very simple thing: that all the attractive women will be occupied, but not all the attractive men will be with someone. And this is something which is terrible to accept for most of the guys, as they will easily feel disappointed and frustrated. But that is why you must always remain cool and above everything which is happening around you.
Regarding this festival, it is funny how the weekend totally beat me up in the beginning until I finally conquered in the last night.
On Friday night, as already said before, I let myself succumb into my own emotions, which had deeply been affected by the party’s atmosphere. Instead of having fun, I kept complaining to myself (“how is it possible that I am in Riga and all the attractive girls are all busy to dance”?; “How is it possible that these women prefer to dance with black guys, who have zero notion of style, than with me?”; “how is it possible that most of these women look at me will a total neutrality, even with a total lack of interest?”) about the state of things around me and in the end the outside totally beat my inner me, which went home almost destroyed and wondering what the hell he was doing in Latvia.
On Saturday, with no expectations whatsoever, I went to the party around 23:00 to then witness one of the best moments I have ever seen in a salsa festival: all the shows were very good but, more important than that, there was a great interaction between the presenters and the audience, which ended up in a collective celebration among everybody (I remember thinking: “this is, or should be, the main reason why everyone keeps coming to these parties, to have real fun”). Naturally I had a much better night than the previous one – as my humor and mood got positively affected by this great show – but again I fell into the trap of being influenced by the environment around me. Instead of having fun in an “outward” way, I was allowing the outside to set the tone of my fun.
And then it came the last night, the Sunday party, towards which I did not really have a great will to join in but, since I was there for that (and I was with my Spaniard friend, so I had the “pressure” to go), before midnight there we were arriving in the crime scene. After a rusty beginning, I slowly started to build some inner confidence and after a while I reached this good feeling of being enjoying what I was doing. In most of the cases, however, this nice sensation usually fades away, being replaced by such ones as fatigue, awareness or over thinking.
But no, this time was different: Both my body and mind were telling me to keep going and enjoy the show, so strangely I was having an endless energy, dancing with all the girls who would pop up in front me. I did not care how their responses would be, just on the fun I would be having, and curiously that made that most of them smiled and also had a good time with me. Instead of being in the corner dancing, I was exactly near the DJ, where the stars were, and that also meant to grab the most attractive women. But you know what? I suddenly felt that they were looking at me in a different way, as if the Andreas of Friday and Saturday had never been there, just this cool guy who was there to have fun, not giving a fuck about the rest.
In summary/Further thoughts
Nowadays, it does not matter anymore whether you are at a salsa party, at a normal nightclub, at a social event from your work or at the bus stop: women will always have a force against you and not a cooperative one. As well as the tough environment aka reality which will always find tricky ways to bring you down and laugh on your face.
Men and women are both humans but, contrary to the latter, we usually need to struggle a lot more to achieve something (unless you are some celebrity or rock star). Struggle to have a promotion, based usually on our merit and work ethic. Struggle to find social value, as we really need to become good at something. Struggle to have that sweet, attractive woman on your side, as she will have a list of one thousand candidates before you. So sometimes our human side shows up and we let ourselves go down, as we can not deal with the pressure of keeping the pace of excellence. In addition, there might be days in which your hormones are on a low-level or you are simply having sleeping problems, which will increase your stress and anxiety and conversely decrease your confidence. Because talking about confidence is easy, what is difficult is to keep it regular.
But my friend, as said here, in other articles of mine and in the whole internet, you already know the formula: it is only by developing yourself and always be willing to overcome new obstacles and challenges that you will meet pure confidence, this extra force which can destroy all the other barriers in the world. So, aside from the practical hints and solutions I gave you above, look for ways to build and strengthen your inner game as much as you can, in order that this resource shows up in every circumstance, even when the environment and the bitchy faces around you are not giving a fuck about your existence. And if you feel confident but still have problems fighting the social pressure in some situations, remember that you shall never care about what is around you – meaning that you must keep your frame and trust your gut, even when the odds seem to be totally against you – and, if not most important, have fun. The world has become so cruel that the ones who wait for perfect moments or simply rely on the others to give them fun, are long doomed to unhappiness and frustration. As a good friend of mine who picks up lots of ladies uses to say: “hey if I thought about the other guys, who are taller, more in shape and better looking than me, then I would never pick up any girl since I would rationalize and clearly see that I would have no chances at all with any of them”.