7 harsh truths about Brazil (and its women) in 2017
1. Taking selfies is a national sport
One of the common traits I believe all the Latin American countries possess is this annoying habit of copying, glorifying and totally being obsessed about what comes from the USA. And Brazil, perhaps only surpassed by Mexico, is on the top on the list in terms of absorbing and breathing American influence. And using the Smartphone for every purpose is of course something which could not be excluded from the daily routine of the Brazilian people. Even so, using the phone for useful stuff or information would in itself not be such a harmful activity but, after the elimination of 1-7 against Germany on the last soccer World Cup, it seems that the country of Pelé has adopted a new sport and taken the use of this device to a whole new (ridiculous) level: taking selfies.
Whenever you are, being on the beach, in the club or somewhere random, you can look to the side that I promise that you will see at least a couple of people snap shooting themselves. Then, it seems that every situation is good for seeing yourself in the camera, smiling like a moron and doing stupid faces. I remember when I was in one of these camarote at the Carnival of Salvador and almost all the people were most interested in showing that they were having fun rather than having real fun. For instance, I even had to mock with some girls who were taking selfies in one of these big advertising placards, as the placard itself belonged to a supermarket and had coins of 1 cent on the background (oh fancy is that)!
Another trait, very peculiar about the Brazilian people, is that most of them only like to travel to the most famous places on earth – New York, Miami, Las Vegas, Rome, London, Paris or Ibiza – which again, would not be a big problem in itself, was not the fact that most of the people only go there to show that they were there. And there is no better way than posting a picture on Facebook with the face of a guy and his beloved one, with the Eiffel Tower behind, probably wondering why the hell “she” must face such human futility every day.
2. They are becoming clumsy with their appearance (tattoos on the top of the list)
Search on the internet about Brazilian women and most likely you will find such information as they being the sexiest women on earth, with their perfect bodies shaped to the limit. But well, the reality, as usual, does not match most of the things you read in the internet and the truth is that, if you exclude very specific events or parties, you will not find many attractive girls walking around. Take Rio de Janeiro, for instance: being labelled as one of the top places in terms of girls is in fact the total opposite. I was there for one week, wandered around the best areas of the city (I was staying at a friend’s place in Ipanema, so my life there during the day was going to the beach, jogging and walking around between Copacabana and Leblon) and went out to the most popular places – Copacabana on Wednesday, Gávea on Thursday, Lapa on Friday and Barra da Tijuca on Saturday – and I swear that I did not see a single girl above the level 7. If we take into consideration that this city shows up in almost every ranking of the “cities with the hottest women”, than I might just have been very and totally unlucky!
Another common trait you see more and more, coming again from the love the Brazilians have in embracing the American culture, is this one of seeing overweight people, who simply do not give a shit anymore about how their body looks like. It is true that Brazil is still a slim country, if we take into account the western world fat reservoirs, but this is a phenomenon which will probably be extended in the near future across the land of Carnival.
Last but not least, being again another hideous habit brought from the core of the western world, is this one of tattooing your body. I know everyone is free to do whatever he or she wants and I can understand that there are some tattoos which have a personal meaning and can look good (if they are small and not exaggerated), but please do not ask me to like or even to accept a body covered with different forms and colors. And just to make things worse, it seems that currently there is this trend among the hot women of marking themselves, just because they think they look cool and it gives them some kind of power (more on that later on this article).
3. Becoming homosexual, especially among women, is the new trend
The first time I was in Brazil, back in 2006, I remember going to the isolated beach of Jericoacoara and, in the middle of nowhere, there was this 200% “fruitcake” walking his totally “lady dog”, with such a gay pose that my eyes could not believe, as I would not see that even in most of the capitals in Europe. So this incident is just a proof that in the biggest Portuguese-speaking country of the world, the male homosexuality is something already long established and somehow socially accepted (just as a piece of advice, if you are a straight guy, please make sure you never enter a gay club, otherwise will you face the biggest sexual harassment of your life, as these guys approach for real and in a very direct, almost aggressive way). Nevertheless, it seems that being a male gay is a thing of the past and that nowadays the cool trend is to be a lesbian! Men who are proficient with women are totally aware that every woman has, in a lower or higher degree, a percentage of homosexuality in her herself: being due to the women’s nature of cuddling and touching one another, because of their sexual characteristics and anatomy (which contains a clitoris, a unique tool made to be touched in a very soft, specific, even feminine way) or just because modern societies have never seen it as a deplorable act, a woman have an inherent tendency to become intimate with another girl and we can all live very well with that. What really drives me mad is when this lesbianism comes from social, external factors. Either because it is a sign of power (and empowerment) of women, either because it is a feminist act just showing that women do not need men anymore or just because the latter gender has become weak and can not fulfill anymore the (unattainable) expectations of women, this forced homossexualization is perhaps the clearest, unquestionable sign of the westernization of a country. In such a time in which the traditional values are distorted, thrown in the garbage can and replaced by vain, modern trends, it is then no surprise that women are already fingering and “scissoring” one another. And believe me that I can support what I am claiming, not only from what I have been noticing since I returned to Brazil in 2014 – how women behave in general, on the streets, on the clubs, on the social network – but because I was also a “victim” of this new trend, the last time I visited Brazil in 2016 during the Carnival: I had banged a very hot brunette during the summer in 2015 in Lisbon, whom I had kept in touch with, asking me every time when I would go to Brazil to visit her. So February came and when I landed in the country and informed her that we would see each other in about ten days, she was more than glad, to say the least. We kept writing each other in between but two days before our meeting, when I was already confirming the last details, she suddenly went silent and I got absolutely no answer from her. But since I am not 20 years old anymore, I understood immediately that she had found someone during the celebrations of the Recife Carnival. What I had not imagined, when later I checked her Facebook page, was that this someone would be a French blond girl, who “met her soul mate in the country of joy” (exactly the words she used on a picture they were showing together). Ah, these fucking cunts!
4. There is a direct correlation between the beauty of women around you and the money you spend (and Brazil is getting expensive as hell)
Brazil is located in Latin America, so this is also means a very stratified society in which the poor are really poor and the rich struggle to keep themselves separated from the rest (there is not really a middle class, just false political propositions making people believe that there are). But ten years ago, this would not be a problem since the country was indeed quite cheap and you, being a European or an American (or from any other first world country) and coming with a normal budget from the western world, would rock like a king. But then it came the touristic boom, the international events – the football world cup and the Olympic games as the most relevant ones – and the external investment, which turned the country into perhaps the most expensive one in Latin America (only perhaps surpassed by Chile, whose economical strength stability skyrocketed its prices already many years ago, and the French Guyana, basically because it belongs to France and therefore is overpriced by the Euro factor). “But wait Andreas, I don’t believe you won’t get cheap things or really good deals in Brazil?” Well you can…but you can forget about the hot women. If you exclude the south of the country (the states of Paraná, Santa Catarina and Rio Grande do Sul) – which are the ones that are still worth visiting, as the average girl is way above the national average – and decide to wander around any city from north to south, I can promise you that you will almost only see ugly girls, unless you go to a top tier event or an upscale club. I remember when I arrived the first time in Salvador in 2014 and, after a while of getting to know the city and walking around, I got completely astonished by the absurd quantity of “beasts” present on that city. Only when I went to a special event, an open bar party in one of the best neighborhoods of Salvador, that I started to see some real talent, who were basically these kinds of fancy girls who only attend and move themselves within very elitist, closed social circles. Needless to say that I paid 70€ for that party which, analyzing the cost-benefit of the provided service, was clearly overrated and not worthwhile. Actually, as I describe in depth in my article about the Carnival in Salvador, this city is the perfect paradigm of “you need to pay to get quality women”. For instance, as the camarotes were fucking expensive, we decided to go for an average one, since we had gotten cheaper tickets (we paid around 40€, but the official price was the double). The result: very few attractive girls, as the majority of them were in the two or three top tier ones in which you would not get in for less than 100€! The same happened in Rio de Janeiro where, as I have referred before, I did not see a single stunning woman, not even close to that. Of course that I could have gone to any upscale in Barra da Tijuca or in the Lagoa but, for paying about 100€ to risk going home empty-handed, I preferred to skip the very likely outcome and consequent embarrassment. The examples could go on and on but, as you have already understood, Brazil nowadays is a country in which you need to be inserted in premium environments and social circles to be among the women you see on internet, whose reputation put the country in the top of the list in terms of female attractiveness. Otherwise, if you are on low budget intending to have a nice Latin experience and bang some accessible, easy girls, make yourself a favor and do not go there, because that Brazil does not exist anymore.
5. Women are getting bitchy and definitely not easy
First of all, I need to be specific here: If we are talking about the chubby, the fatty or any girl over 35, Brazil is still the wonderland. They will give you that look of desire which you will skyrocket your ego (in case you still rely on that shit to boost your inner confidence). But, as not only you and I always aim for the best but also because it simply annoys me to create an imbalance in the sexual market, I am here to talk about the women who matter, at least if we take into consideration their external appearance. We know the world is different and more difficult for the masculine man who likes to have options and to be among women who value him. And if there was a place in which you would feel both abundance and recognition among the opposite sex, that one was the land discovered by the Portuguese more than 500 years ago. But I am here neither to talk about sex with indigenous nor to describe how things were in 2007 (even if I got already some bitchy reactions back then, the foreign effect plus the fact that I spoke fluent Portuguese would twist every time any bad first reaction into a nice one), rather to let you know how the Brazilian woman acts in 2017. And if you are thinking about going to this country expecting reactions total opposite from the ones you have back home, in your shitty western hole, let me just tell you that they will be much more similar than you might have thought in the first place. As referred in the previous paragraphs, Brazil has not only long opened itself to the world, which has provided diverse sources of (mostly false) information and especially attention from all corners of the globe, but also received all sorts of external influence, whether in the form of tourism, investment or visit and relocation of foreigners. All these factors combined with the inherent traits of most of the Brazilian women, who like to be bossy and think they are always entitled to something more, has turned the typical above-the-average-women into vain boasters. Their main concerns is no longer to land a man who can protect and financially support them but to claim for independence and to bed the most valuable guys, to get as many benefits as possible. Where before the majority of women would keep a humble attitude, in order that a quality man would chase her with no restrictions, have nowadays a mindset and a feeling of entitlement which goes, many times, beyond what is reasonable. The result is that they will look for the famous DJ, the owner of the club or the successful businessman, while the average man simply has no chances among these women, aside from being a sponsor of drinks in any given party.
6. The new generation does not care (so much) about foreigners.
Since I was in Brazil in two totally different times and in both of them I was a foreigner (this last was a joke, you can laugh), I believe I am in a very good position to analyse how Brazilian women react towards male invaders looking for exotic Punani. As most of the things I have brought throughout this article, there is always the risk of generalizing but, since talking about the exceptions would never allow anyone to write anything conclusive, the truth is that while most of the girls over 30 got very interested on me for being an European who could speak fluently Portuguese, the ones between 20 and 30 just looked at me with the same wonder as one looks to the schedules in any bus station. While in 2006 girls would suddenly become nice or would react very positively anytime they discovered I was coming from Europe (yes I know, the old continent was still an amazing thing back then, which would put almost all vaginas boiling), in 2014 and especially in 2016 being a foreigner was nothing more than statistics. And I have two paradigmatic examples which clearly support my previous reasoning: in the Carnival of Salvador, I was in this camarote which had basically 50% of girls below 25 and roughly 25% above 30 years old. The responses I got from the first group were almost null, as they were more interested in taking selfies and checking their Facebook (I even pretended sometimes that I was German and spoke English with them, but that did not work either). On the other hand, concerning the latter group, the reactions changed from day to night: even if many had boyfriends or simply did not want anything with me in the end, they were polite and fun and I could really engage in nice conversations with them, simply because they were so avid and interested to know what a guy like me, from so far away was doing there. In the end it was not a surprise that the two girls I made out with were over 30 and that one of them I could eventually bang on the day after. The second example also happened in the carnival, but in the small town of Ouro Preto (whose detailed report you can check here), famous for its student community. Since I was in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by (supposedly) drunk young people everywhere, I thought initially that being a foreigner from Europe, who could in addition speak Portuguese, would be more than enough to drive some fresh flesh crazy. But I could not be more wrong: during that long weekend, especially in the republic I stayed at, which was packed with girls, I did not get ONE true indicator of interest, even if I was bullshitting everyone, by saying that I was a pilot (a Brazilian friend of mine supported very well this story and no one got any suspicions about it). So if a European pilot – which is in theory still one of the professions which puts more a pussy sweating – gets the same normal reaction as a local guy who works in construction, I can not say anything else rather than to conclude that my “exotic” factor is no longer a plus among the new generation of Brazilians. So unless you are a 1,90mt good looking stallion or the blond guy with green or blue eyes, be aware that you will go to Brazil with no clear advantages whatsoever and that you will be perceived as just another one. But if you decide to still go for it, then you simply have to apply the formula which is certainly already familiar to you: to approach 360º (meaning everywhere and in every situation) and as much as you can, using tight game on the ones who respond positively.
7. Almost all guys are a bunch of false alphas who are basically controlled by their women
To the end, I had to unveil one of the biggest fallacies about this country: that men do whatever they want and command women according to their (men) interest, whim and convenience. But this could not be further from the truth, as women are the gender who rule and set the pace of the country. On the surface, you have a country in which men play with their girlfriends and wives and are one of the most unfaithful in the entire world. Even if that can be indeed true, it is also true that deep down the Brazilian women are as trickiest as you can get and their infidelity levels match or even surpass their counterparts’ one. A good proof of this is not only the endless videos and photos circulating online, which show “proud” women filming and shooting themselves in lascivious poses and actions, but also the number of songs created in response to the ones from any male singer – who basically sings about bedding different women, even if the man is committed in the first place – in which the female singer simply “destroys” the man by claiming that she has slept with many more and that in the end he is the real cuckold. Continuing with the examples, on the surface you have a country in which men drink and go out to get all the girls they want but, looking at things with two seconds of attention, only the top quality guys get indeed the women they intend to. The rest is just a bunch of thirsty males who go to the club and spend hundreds of reais in tables and cocktails, just to attract girls and to bring them next to them (of course this method still works many times, the better the more you spend more money, as Latin America has this innate trait of producing women who simply put the financially status of a man above anything). In addition, the songs you listen to every time you go out are about women, talk about women and include lots of women in the video clips. This only proves two things: that men are ultra obsessed with sex – a clear sign of scarcity, which the singers very cleverly take advantage of by giving exactly what women want to listen to and not what men think they want to, as one may think in the first place – and also that men are competing roughly with one another only to show that one can get better than the guy next to him, another undeniable sign that they have no control whatsoever about women. On the surface, you have men who do not need to give any explanations regarding what they are doing or where they are going to. Deep down, the majority of men can not even go to the toilet without letting the girlfriend or wife know about it. All the Brazilian guys I have met, who are paired with a Brazilian girl, simply let themselves fall into the trap of over control, losing totally their independence and free time. Going out just with some male friends? I allow you very exceptionally, but you better send me a message and a picture from the party every 5 minutes. Going to play video games and watch football? Ok, but you better be home before midnight, because tomorrow I want you to help me with shopping. Want to take a coffee with a real (girl) friend? You wish!
As a plus, not only because Brazil likes to copy and follow the tendencies of the Uncle Sam’s land but also because liberalism is long embedded in the political layer of the country, then it is no surprise that the women are given all the privileges and defended above all costs, even if that means “sacrificing” some innocent men along the way.
The bottom line
Do not get me wrong: even if I am not the fan I used to be, I still like a lot Brazil, a country which changed my life ten years ago, when I first landed on it and saw that there was much more that I had experienced until then in Europe, as the only existent reality. Instead of bitchy women, I discovered a world of nice and accessible ones. Instead of a sad and depressive western mentality, I saw a country flourishing with fun and joy. Instead of sorrow and past achievements, I saw a country in which only the present mattered, in which people also looked to the future with positive eyes. I know that I am not 20 years old anymore, that I do not have the patience, the thirst and the energy to chase women as I had back then and that many things in me have changed, but so as the world. And Brazil has not been an exception, as it has also embarked in the toxic trip of western degeneration, losing many of the features and qualities it used to have. Nevertheless, even with all the reasons described previously, plus the fact that it is nowadays a very overpriced country, I must admit that it is (still) an amazing to spend holidays (to live, I can only recommend you at your own risk). It has amazing and countless natural spots, an inherent joy and a spirit in its people who, being poor or in deep shit, never stop to party and to look at life with a bright smile – even though in the end it is just appearance, the Brazilians deserve a certain recognition for cheating everyone, including themselves. And, last but not least, regardless being in a very small proportion comparing to the country’s population, Brazil produces unbelievable sexy women whom you will not find anywhere in the world, not only due to their well known unique genes but also to their open character and attitude, an explosive mixture which can drive (almost) every man crazy.