How to deal with Rejection
We all know how a person gets excited anytime he or she wants to start something.
Maybe you are looking for a new job and you begin sending applications to the companies you would like to work for. You strongly believe that not only your profile but also your professional competences will surely impress most of the HR departments.
Or perhaps you are on track to start a new business and you immediately start shooting emails to suppliers to see which ones can offer you the best conditions and prices. Because your business idea and project are so unique, you immediately start thinking how to manage all the replies, where suppliers and vendors will undoubtedly want to cooperate with you.
Or what about approaching the girls who really matter, not the average ones but exactly those jaw-dropping stunners whom every guy dreams about having on his side. After all, you are a cool guy, with a lean physique and a perfect notion of style, so why wouldn’t these women crave to be with you?
But then everything goes the other way around. The job applications you sent are answered a couple of days later – if you are lucky enough, because the norm is having no answer at all – with a nice, standard response saying that “unfortunately” (unfortunately to whom? Ah come on, spare us the lameness) they have chosen a more qualified applicant.
Regarding the suppliers, you can be happy in case you get any answer and even happier if they are not trying to trolling you (making an offer with a high price), based on your everything-but-professional-gmail-address.
And concerning the lovely girls, if they do not reject you already on the spot, they will ignore your first message. And in case you are fortunate enough to get a first response from her, most likely scenario is that she will stop answering after a couple of texts.
Yes my friend, welcome to reality. Which is the same to say that what will actually happen is that you will be rejected and even ignored most of the times you try to get something valuable from someone.
Look, nobody likes to be rejected or ignored. Neither you, nor me, nor anybody else who has a conscience. Still, this is the most common scenario anytime you are looking for any kind of interaction/transaction/exchange with people.
So it is better that you start preparing yourself for the tough outcome you will receive in most situations, instead of wishing that the world were fair and worked in a total different way.
Therefore, these are the tactics/reactions you should use, every time you will be ignored, rejected or, to put it even nicer, fucked off:
Never react in an angry or violent way
We all know how annoying it is. Maybe you are trying to change an appointment with your boss or one with the job center, but they tell it won’t be possible. And now you have this meeting at the end of the afternoon, exactly when your new salsa course is starting.
Or perhaps that girl, who even asked for your number on Friday night, has not bothered to answer your first message, leaving in this state of “bitch, you deserve now to hear some truths”.
But before you react, just think or observe when other people are discussing. Even if someone may be right in the first place, if he keeps discussing and arguing with the other person, showing that he is really upset, that will annoy you and everyone else around as well. And sooner than later no one will feel sympathy for him.
So what you need to do is to resist the temptation of reacting, by staying cool and calm until there are no more “emotional leftovers” coming from the negative situation you are currently mad about. I know, easier said than done, but that will make all the difference.
If you think about it, except for death and serious diseases, everything in life has a solution and nothing is really that important (even when in that moment you think it is). Saying some truths in an assertive way in the right moment is gold, but in most situations you should not even bother.
And by learning how to really not give a fuck, even when everything is against you, you will not only not injury yourself but eventually gain something from that situation (e.g: if a girl rejects you but you totally act aloof, as if you did not really care, she will see that you are not like most guys and will eventually change her bitchy behaviour).
Find clever solutions
If you are being rejected, most likely scenario is that the other party is not caring a dime about your side and perspective.
First of all, understand that this is normal and part of human’s nature. We have so much stuff in our mind that we tend to select only what matters to us, in order that our operative system does not get overloaded.
So whenever a company’s HR answers you with a standard response or anytime you are not getting any answer from all the emails you sent to suppliers, it is because they did not consider you as important in the first place.
That is why you need to give them importance first.
For instance, regarding suppliers, instead of saying that you want this and that, try to send a first email saying something like “I have seen the items you produce are from great quality! Can you please tell me more about how do you establish partnerships with other companies? And can you show me your social media profiles, so that I can have a better look at your brand?”
Something like this will most likely trigger a response. Why? Because right now you are talking about them, touching their core, almost their ego, which will make them switch their attitude towards you, from a place of indifference to this interchangeable area where people talk proactively about what really matters to them.
And for the cases you are somehow being harmed (e.g.: let’s say you have a meeting in a day you had planned to do something else), then you need to be clever and use some tricks which rarely fail, which is the same to say that you should lie in a clever way.
For instance, saying that it is your mother’s 60th birthday, when it is not, may be checked and put you in trouble. However, if you say your mother is home sick and alone, no one will have a way to confirm it and it will always be a valid reason to grant you the moment you need off.
Ask for feedback
Guess what feedback is? A free way to assess yourself, also providing you valuable hints on what you can and should improve. Still, very few people use it for their own good.
Regarding women, I wouldn’t bother answering for feedback why she is not asking your messages or why she does not want to meet you, because it just shows neediness. Instead, improve your style and understand that 95% of women will never give a fuck about you. The rest is just PUA bullshit.
However, concerning all the rest and especially if you receive a no from a company, then you can and you should ask for feedback. Because if they bothered sending you an email with an “official response”, then you can use that to your own advantage.
As a matter of fact, anytime you are not accepted for any job, you can politely answer something like “First of all, thank you very much for letting me know about your decision and I am glad that you have found the right candidate for this job. Still, so that I can improve my skill set and improve my chances of getting hired for a similar role in the future, could you please tell me what you are exactly looking for in a candidate which I am still missing? Which are the main competences I should be acquiring?”.
Trust me, these two questions will bring their ego out and consequently they will feel the urge to answer you. After all, the HR of this company wants to look professional and to give you factual evidence why they hire the best people, so in most cases they will not ignore you and actually give you useful tips.
And if you are offering a product or service online, use the power of reviews, even when they are negative. Ask the customer what you can do to improve his experience or offer a free refund, if necesary. Sometimes, to convert an unsatisfied into a happy customer is the best way to retain him and also the best way to put this person talking positively about your brand.
Look for ways to improve yourself
Now, it is time to talk about yourself and to consider something that can not be hidden or ignored: most times you will be rejected because you do not have what it takes. Yes, the truth may hurt you and bring you down but, instead of crying and whining, stand up and look for ways to get better.
For instance, if you are starting a business and you are looking for suppliers, maybe you can think first about creating your own website and having an email with your own domain.
“Hey, but how can I have a website if I have nothing in there?”. Well, maybe your website can be just a presentation page about you, your idea, mission and what you want to achieve. This will show proactivity and will differentiate yourself from the crowd.
Or if you are applying to a job, even if you do not have a MBA, that does not mean you can not apply for a good management position. But you need to stand out somehow, and that means that you should not be sending a CV and a cover letter like everyone else.
A simple way which can skyrocket your chances is to grab the telephone, ask to speak to Mr. Whatever (the HR responsible person, whose name is usually indicated in the job ad) and then ask personally for more information on this position.
If you then send an email with your application, starting with “As agreed over the phone”, you will be way ahead the competition and not be considered a number anymore.
Still, for most cases, you just need to really invest time and to acquire key skills. For instance, if your dream is to be a dancer and you want to apply for a prestigious dancing or ballet school, it will be very, very difficult.
But if you do not take extreme measures, like practicing it every day and also having private classes – it will keep being very, very difficult. However, if you are serious about it and you really commit, then you will surely increase your chances.
Or if your dream has always been to work for NASA but you are a normal guy with a normal economics degree, than you have more chances to be hit by an asteroid than to actually be doing research on it (pun intended).
So unless you become an engineer, they will not give a fuck about you. Is it worth to lose five more years of your life for that? Only you can answer this question.
First, you need to understand that rejection and negative answers are part of life and, especially, of the human spirit. Unfortunately, our media, entertainment and movies have programmed us to think differently. This culture of “being nice” is a cancer you must get rid of, as it totally alienates from reality and it will do you much more harm than good.
Then, you must detach yourself from the outcome. Easier said than done, but this is actually the secret to achieve anything in life. If you are constantly relying on others’ positive feedback, then you will be stepping on shaky ground.
Because you will always be one step away from ruining all your structure. You are doing fine until boom, a negative comment or remark completely brings you down and affects your morale. Basically, you will be in a constant emotional loop which will burn you out in the long run.
But guess what successful people and winners do? Even if they listen to others and try to improve themselves based on others’ feedback, they ALWAYS go their own way. They are selfish, because they know they have what it takes, so their trust their gut and skill set to perform.
Lastly, understand that you are just a grain in an immensity of sand. So even if you feel the main character of your story, the reality is that for most people you will always be a nothing. Nada. Nicles. So whenever you are presenting yourself, the chances are that you will not be accepted and considered as important.
So basically you need to show the other party (more to make him or her feel) that you have something valuable which he or she needs. And if you do not have it, either accept it and let it go or just go incessantly after it.
The bottom line is that you must always try to present the best version of yourself, in order that you increase your odds. In today’s fast-paced world, most decisions are based on heuristics ((…) “mental shortcuts that usually involve focusing on one aspect of a complex problem and ignoring others, while making a decision”, Wikipedia) so personal Marketing is the best tool you can use for your own good.
More than that, there is really nothing you can do than accepting the reality and living well with it. Life is hard and many times sucks, so get used to it.
You might be disappointed, sad or even angry, but in most cases this simply means that you did not match with the other party and that it was not meant to be. But guess what? That is a good thing.
Just like being rejected in itself can be the best thing which has ever happened to you. It is the fuel you will use to burn all that pain, anguish and disappointment and work towards a better you, by changing what needs to be changed and improving yourself everyday.