If you search on the internet about picking up or simply getting better with women, the first word you will see will most likely be “approach”. And if we see game as a building, to move your feet towards someone you do not know is undoubtedly the cornerstone of its foundation.

So much has been written about this topic and for sure you will read as most clicked pieces of advice such ones as “Overcome your approach anxiety”, “Gain the inner confidence to approach any woman you want” or even “Get rejection-proof”. Or you maybe you get a step-by-step guide, which explain you in detail how and what you must do from the moment you spot a girl until – if you are lucky enough – you number close her.

Whatever information you look for, in the end it all comes up to be a man with the right tools to attract as many women as possible. And these are usually the main points which are always referred:

• Groom yourself and dress well: this is one of the pillars of the game and is in itself quite intuitive (but somehow many guys simply skip it or just ignore it). You should – I would even say must – present yourself in the best way possible in order that your odds both of sparking a sexual desire on the girl in front of you and of being perceived as a top quality male are as high as possible. We know that content matters, but if the apple pie looks horrible, you would not put your hands on it, would you?

• Straight posture (including the way you walk up to a woman): there must not be a single gaming tip which does not refer the right posture you shall keep when talking to a woman. First you see the target and you walk confidently towards her, with your shoulders back and down and your back and head straight, and then you hold this frame throughout the whole conversation. The idea is that you are perceived as a confident alpha who does not lean towards anyone, being totally confident of his acts.

• Opener: If you come up with an original, lightly fun or attentive-to-the-environment-around opener, you will eventually gain extra points which will also help you in turning the conversation (well, in case it happens) into a much smoother one. Even so, as we all know, it is not really what you say but how you say it which matters, so in the end the most important is that you approach with full confidence.

• Tone/pace of voice: a slow, strong tone with an upward inflection. The way you release your words shall be expressed in a clear way. Because you are a confident person, not only you do not really need to rush but also you talk with a high intensity since you truly rely on what is coming out of your mouth. Then, because you always want to sound convincing, you use an upward inflection in the end of every sentence, in order that the person in front you feels you instead of just be listening to you.

• Content of the conversation/topics used: Because you are such a confident son of a bitch, you do not care so much about what you say to the girl, rather on how you make her feel (again, is not so much what you say, but how you say it). Being about the Game of Thrones, the Pokemon Go or the teenager clothes you still keep on your closet, you simply treat them as the most interesting topics in the world and you make sure that the person in front of you is both constantly entertained and having the best time possible.

• Length of the conversation/closing: Since you are a fearless alpha, that means on one hand that you go for what you want and on the other hand that you always have a business schedule and plenty of things to occupy your time with. After some minutes of an exciting, lively conversation, you decide that it is time to stop it, just to show you are a demanded person with options. So you anticipate and at a given moment you tell her: “hey look, I really need to meet some friends now and I am already late, but I would love to continue this conversation some when later.” And you get your phone out and tell her to write her number on it (and if you are clever enough, you call her in order that she keeps yours – and it is always a bullshit proof that she is not tricking you with a wrong number).

All of the previous are solid pieces of advice and for sure they will, at least, give you a much better chance of scoring with new women. But let us take a closer look at them…

When you decide to groom yourself and to present yourself the best way possible, cutting the bullshit here, it is basically because you want women to look at you and to perceive you as a quality male. If that was not so, would you really lose so much time choosing your clothes and grooming yourself in front of the mirror? Most likely not, as you would just dress in a practical way.

Concerning your posture and the way you place yourself towards a girl, surely you want her to understand who is in charge. But if you think deeply on it, you are not really doing it because you feel comfortable, standing there like a stiff iron, rather because you know that, by only having a confident frame, you will have some chances to convert your approach into a sexual prospect.

And what about the opener? Sure you can be on a troll mode and say what the hell you want but the truth is that what most of the guys really care about is to have an introduction which will make the girl like them and immediately perceive them as virile providers.

The moment you open your mouth is also the one you present your voice, so you make sure you spit words in a slow pace but using a strong tone in order that the person in front of you gets immediately these chills of knowing that she is dealing with a real man. But again, perhaps if you had not read any game advice you would never use this way of speaking, meaning that naturally you would talk to her as if you would with some friend, without worrying about the impact it would have on her.

And what about the things you say? I bet that deep down you would want to say “you know what, I really neither care nor believe on what I am telling you right now, I just want to take you home and fuck you real hard” but you simply beat around the bush, coming up with the most ridiculous topics of conversation just to turn it a smooth and fun one.

When you are talking to a friend, you do not count the time, you let the conversation flow naturally as the current of the river. But when you approach a girl, you are somehow always dependent on how she will react, so you anticipate, thinking that you have the control of the interaction, excusing yourself with some imaginary meeting you have afterwards.

I suppose that by now you have already figured out what the problem with all of these is…that deep down, you are doing it because you want to please the girl and not yourself. All of these suggestions are great on the surface but they have deeply a major fault: that we guys are basically human beings and, even if we try to become a “cold-approach-machine”, sooner or later we will take things personally and get affected by eventual rejections or even brush offs.

So let me ask you this: when you are doing something, but REALLY DOING something you really enjoy like perhaps playing football, dancing a song you really like or jumping from a cliff, are you thinking about the others? Do you really care, on that exact moment, what the other people think?

For instance, imagine a skater who goes practicing everyday and simply loves what he is doing. Do you think he really gets affected or embarrassed when he falls a couple of times or when he can not still perform some tricks? The answer to all my previous questions is, for sure, a big NO!

I know we are all humans and naturally negative thoughts pop up in our mind all the time but, in the moment we are INDEED doing something we like, our mind goes blank and enjoys the pure fun of the moment.

Basically, your ego is put aside. He neither gives you any opinion nor has space to put these endless doubts in your brain, which he loves so much to rely on. So and if you look at approach, it all comes to this: it is not the girl you have in front of you who is causing you all the anxiety or even fear…it is your ego which may be offended or crushed in case he is blown off.

So instead of coming with endless techniques and shortcuts to ease the process, just get off of your own pedestal and take action. In case the girl rejects you and the reality totally drops on you, just be rational and do not let your ego take over.

Because if you look at the big picture, being rejected is never a big deal, so simply tell your ego to fuck the hell off and enjoy the thrill of interacting with women, just because you love them. And when you do a thing you love, nothing in the world but your pleasure matters!